Hanah Dedraluin - Seeking Answers

[Hanah]

I needed to speak with Anah.

So much had happened, so much that I was unsure of and couldn't bare to step wrongly. Even though Her reassuring voice was always with me, I needed to speak to Her and hear Her answers. People that I love all had fallen into pain and distress and I could not let them suffer any longer... Even now, when I had at last found someone I could receive love from... no, I would have to leave him a while... he will understand. Surely Anah will guide me and soon I can return to him.

I trekked out to the western mountain ranges, to a ridge where I could contemplate the light of Her shrine in peace. The guards of the western outpost greeted me with their usual jocularity... they'd long since grown used to me appearing early in the morning, sweeping snow from the shrine that would surely reappear by tomorrow morning. I smiled, glad to see them again, and wished them well.

Finding a place regressed into the rock ridge, I spread out a woolen rug on the snow and changed my armour for a robe before sitting comfortably in the shelter of the rock. I watched the snow fly across Her beam of light and with a surge of joy, felt myself melting into that same light...

The trees I found myself seated beneath were grand and broad and familiar... in fact, it looked like a copse of trees near my home. No matter.... She chose this because I would be comfortable. With a smile I reminded myself that She would surely think of everything. In the comforting dimness I could not see Her... only a hint of Her outline standing before me. For the span of a breath I wondered why I had never seen my Goddess... why She chose not to reveal Her visage to me.

Quickly I rose to my feet to show Her my affection for Her but She only shook Her head and motioned with Her hand for me to resume my seat. "Dearest Hanah... you know I want not for outward worship. Show your faith with your actions, child. You always have..." Her voice was warm and soothing, and I knew She was not wroth with me.

"I need your guidance so dearly right now, Lady... there are so many I love who suffer right now. I don't know what to do for them..."

"The answers you seek are not long coming... you must be ready to understand them, dear child." In the half light She calmly strode to stand behind me, and with gentleness She set a warm woolen shawl about my shoulders. I felt Her hands brush my arms and Her breath lightly on my ear and my head filled with Her warm fragrance. My soul brimmed over with delight at that touch and presence... I was so enraptured that I did not notice Her place a long, cool item in my hands. By the time I recovered from that burst of joy She was seated some feet from me, Her robe spread out lovely on the turf.

I looked down at what was in my hands. "Dear Lady...?" I must admit I was bewildered by what I saw. In my hands was a scabbard: meant for a longsword, perhaps, the scabbard was made masterfully of dark wood carved with scrolling ivy and inset with dark jade carved to resemble leaves. Either end of the scabbard was capped with silver bands... in its entirety, it was a beautiful thing, but beautiful or not, what was the meaning?

"Hanah... you have arrived in this place full of swords ever ready. You know what a sword is, what it represents. But before you can understand the answers you seek, you must understand what I've placed in your grasp... so think on it, dear child... where all is answered with the draw of a blade, what is the significance of this scabbard?" I could hear from the cadence of Her voice that She was smiling. "Come now, I would not ask of you what you cannot accomplish. Ponder this question, child of mine, and when you have found understanding you will receive my guidance."

I nodded and fixed my gaze on the scrollwork adorning one face of the scabbard. I felt so warm and safe wrapped in Her shawl... and with Her smile upon me how could I fail? Anah the Teacher was providing me with a lesson.

[Hanah]

I can't say how long I contemplated the meaning of Her scabbard. I gazed so long upon the curling ivy carved along its face that its carved leaves seemed to shift in the breeze... but when understanding came to me, it came in a breath's span. I can only assume I cried out at that experience, because Anah rose and approached me, her face still obscured in the dim forest light.

She sank down to one knee before me and placed a hand on my shoulder. I smiled gratefully at Her, tears growing in my eyes, when something unexpected happened. Anah lowered Her head, hair framing Her face, and kissed my forehead... I thought surely my heart would cease beating at that surge of bliss. "You understand now, and you've learned something of yourself. Let us hear your concerns, dear child."

When I recovered my wits and dashed the tears of joy from my eyes, I found my voice... all my fears, worries, secret anxieties poured forth. She listened to me... She allowed me to answer my own questions when I could, and when I could not She gently led me to clarity. This was an experience I'd never had... speaking with Anah, in the gloom of the woods, was like finding the mother who would shelter me. On and on we spoke, until at last my heart was drained of its fear. I felt a calm I'd not experienced since I found myself on this isle; that feeling of calm sprouted like a seed, roots taking firm grasp.

My heart now soothed and unable to ask anymore of Her, Anah folded Her hands on Her lap calmly. "You must know these things, dearest Hanah. You must strive to do no harm... think long on the meaning of 'harm', child, as there is no one answer to all situations. And above all... you must not force your aid upon any. Help those who wish to be helped... to do otherwise is coercion. That is not my way... nor should it be yours."

I nodded pensively. "If you wish me to lay down my spear, Lady, I will do that..."

She shook her head. "Child, you heard me not... you sometimes must fight to do no harm. There is no key for all locks. Think on this... it will never be easy, and often you will suffer for it. Your true path lies on the far side of suffering, Hanah, but I will always be with you. I, and others..."

I nodded again, thinking on one I longed to see, who hadn't left me alone when I was in need. "Ah, so long as you can love freely, child, you've nothing to fear... but love without needing. Love for love's sake, not in desperation." Although Her words were stern, Her voice was gentle... and I knew She knew my heart.

I cast my thoughts towards him: "I'm ready to return... please come for me..." My hands tightened on the scabbard as I knew I would be in my Lady's presence only a few moments more.

"We will meet again, Hanah... I look forward to seeing how much you grow before then." She remained seated, watching me fondly, when I felt hands unseen unwrapping Her shawl from my shoulders.

The comforting dim of the woods dissolved into harsh, bright light. I opened my eyes reluctantly and was dazzled by the glare... all I could see in that wash of brightness was an imposing silhouette leaning over me, spreading wings shielding me, and behind, the white beam of Anah's shrine.

He sighed, low and relieved, and his posture relaxed. "My lady..."

The icy wind of the Clevian mountains numbed my lips and nigh took my breath away. "You found me..."